The average adult spends roughly 40 hours per week working, many of whom are alongside coworkers, supervisors, management and others on a weekly basis. Surely, not everyone is going to vibe well together. When things begin to escalate to a certain level, everyone in the workplace could become negatively affected. Mediation can help some of the communication difficulties and bring clarity to procedural or systemic issues that are contributing to interpersonal problems.

It might come as no surprise that poor communication is typically part of the problem. Most humans do not understand that communication is very complex, for a number of reasons. Even when speaking the same language, the same statement can mean something different depending on tone, speaker, relationship to the listener, and their perception as well. People seem to most often misinterpret each other when they have major personality differences or even in the ways they express themselves. Some people are very logical, matter of fact or can be a bit of a realist, so their statements can come across as cold or aggressive to someone who is more sensitive or detail-oriented in their communication style. After the listener perceives it in this way, it can become difficult to break the habit of seeing the speaker as offensive. In my observations, misunderstandings like this can be the precipitating event that gets people started off on the “wrong foot,” and if repeated, will likely escalate. Two people who express themselves differently can create a perception in themselves that they are disliked by the other, and that is the lens through which most future interactions are viewed—adding copious amounts of fuel to any fire that sparks between them. 

Luckily, in mediation we can bring awareness to some of these inherent differences we possess, discuss preferred methods and manners of communication to improve interactions on this front. 

Not only can we easily miscommunicate based on our own subjective understanding of how communication should work, but we can also perceive things differently than intended by the speaker because of things going through our own mind. We are all human and our intrusive thoughts and emotions are as present at work as they are at home, whether we express that outwardly or not. 

There are some things that can definitely act as an accelerant in escalating matters. For example, how a situation is dealt with by supervisors/management can risk worsening the situation. This is not a criticism as it’s a common occurrence, very tricky at times and is mostly attributed to a lack of HR experience and training. One way this happens is if the escalating tension either goes unnoticed, or particularly when one or more employees raise concerns that go unaddressed. This is a fast way to create at least one disgruntled employee, potentially causing frustrations to grow. Unhappiness in the workplace can quickly become a growing concern, not just for the employees directly involved, but for everyone else in the workplace who is subjected to the conflict and tension. This can also directly impact performance and morale. 

Going hand-in-hand with the above, I’ve found that at times company policies, or lack thereof in certain situations, can also add to employee disagreements. One area where I seem to see the most of this is in neglecting to clearly define work duties. Many employees favor knowing what exactly they are responsible for and who has the authority to do what. Many business owners complain that they’d rather just have employees that all have a “team player” mentality. While I completely understand that notion, finding people who are wired that way is not always easy, and given that everyone has their own personality and not all of them jive well together—it’s a lot easier said than done. Bringing awareness to policy-related causes of inter-office tensions to decision makers can not only help the current situation greatly, but can help lessen these types of incidents in the future through discussion and educated changes. Finding a good group of employees that need little job description and work harmoniously is possible, but will likely take a lot of time, experimentation and emotional intelligence. Until then, structure is probably the less stressful choice for most business owners. 

Just know that no workplace is perfect. Because we are people and we are inherently imperfect creatures, some workplace turbulence will inevitably occur. Your response to it is what matters the most. As hard as it is in the moment, it’s important to remember not to overly-personalize things to the extent possible. Work is a place many have to be—for most, a significant portion of their day. It’s a relationship with the company, including some necessary relationships with others that work for it as well. Not everyone is the same, talks the same, thinks the same, etc. Serious and inappropriate incidents at work, in addition to escalating interpersonal problems, should certainly be raised with management. However, it is important to try to learn how to acknowledge and navigate any interpersonal differences to be able to best perform at your job and accomplish your goals!