How Mediation is Ideal for Divorce and Separation
Credit: @zorianast
Separating is very difficult whether or not you’re married to your partner. In addition to any emotional difficulties that might be going on, there are always a few unfortunate orders of business to deal with at some point. It’s very stressful, and with emotions running high, it is difficult to make decisions and focus on what’s important when it comes to the actual logistics of the separation. Whether you’re married or in a long-term relationship, you’re likely sharing a home, expenses, children, businesses, etc. However, many short-term relationship couples can still share leases, loans, pets, belongings and debts, among other shared items.
Couples who aren’t married, but share some kind of life together are a demographic that don’t seem to be very aware they can use mediation, but can benefit highly from it. You don’t want to end up in court over a breakup if you can help it, but in these types of cases, family courts won’t typically hear your case and others don’t tend to intervene in these kinds of situations. When faced with these limitations, many couples try to work things out instead, but as we’ve discussed, that isn’t always easy either. Those who are in the process of breaking up could benefit from the structure of mediation to help them focus and communicate about the task at hand in order to get through it as painlessly as possible.
For married couples, separating and filing for divorce will require some involvement with the court, but it can be a much shorter process that requires less involvement and expense - that is, if both individuals agree on everything ahead of time. Again, that can be easier said than done for many couples because of the stress and emotions potentially involved. With rare exceptions, mediation is a fantastic way to get separating couples to the agreement stage so that the relationship can end on a much more positive note. Mediation is about everyone communicating what is important and making mutual compromises to come to an accord. This is so that everyone can have a clean break without the need for continued disagreement over important issues.
Family court can at times be a very painful place as it’s public, and it’s up to a stranger to make decisions about many aspects of your life, your children’s lives, etc. Not to knock family courts or courts in general, as they can serve an important purpose, they can also inherently push parties to be more adversarial. Certainly, there are situations better served by court, particularly when there is domestic violence, child endangerment issues, or when one of the parties is uncooperative and/or may have done something inappropriate with money or assets. Outside of an issue that would require court, everyone can benefit from the privacy that mediation offers, as well as the ability to make their own decisions.
In addition to avoiding the potential pain of family court and litigating divorce itself, mediation definitely saves on costs, too. If separating couples choose to litigate a divorce, it can easily rack up tens of thousands of dollars for each individual, especially if things start to get ugly. Many fail to recognize that driving up the cost of divorce unnecessarily will ultimately take away from the very assets which are to be divided. Cost is a very important consideration when separating/divorcing unless money is really no object. The more you can each preserve for upcoming expenses, changes, your children, future savings, and more, the better.
Mediation is a great option overall for those who can appreciate the refreshing environment, efficiency, and value mediation can provide when compared to the lack of control and other problems related to family court. People who separate or divorce and use mediation report very high satisfaction rates. I believe for most people, it is very relieving to move past difficult issues in a reasonable amount of time and be able to have a say in what their future looks like.