Misunderstandings: Unnecessary Conflict, Wasted Time and Energy!
Credit: @charliefoster
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been in mediation and witnessed a fact revealed that ended up changing entire underlying issues that the parties already spent fighting over, but likely could have avoided altogether. Miscommunications and misunderstandings happen when we fail to hear each other or perceive things through a very subjective lens of what we might fear or anticipate from the other party. However, this can be combated with practice!
People can subconsciously create their own narrative regarding how others might feel about them simply based on their perception of previous experiences. While we can all be a little paranoid about the way others might perceive or feel about us, we risk reacting very adversely to anything we think could be a threat to us or anything important to us—such as our business, career, relationship, etc.
It is a very difficult pattern to break. Once people become suspicious of each other and their intentions, things often escalate quickly. This is where even more misunderstandings can occur, unfortunately. It’s like getting off on the wrong foot, but to a much greater degree. None of it helps anyone reach a peaceful point within the dynamic or provides a clear understanding of where things are and what should be done. It can even cause people to miss an important piece of information if they’ve refused to believe the other party, or are so caught up in other issues that they don’t really take the time to consider a different possibility than the one they’ve constructed thus far based on what they know, or have relied on.
We are all capable of these pitfalls, especially if we fail to be aware of our own feelings towards people and situations, vulnerabilities and individual sensitivities. These things, as well as our past experiences, are all things that make us part of who we are and color the lens with which we perceive things. If we aren’t aware of ourselves, it is nearly impossible to view a situation as an outsider; This takes time to develop and constant practice to maintain. However, it is a vital life skill to be able to view a situation outside of our own narrow perspective. It allows us to make much more rational judgments with the information we have, gives us a better understanding of ourselves, and might even bring us close to the truth we are seeking.
This perspective change could confirm what we believed from the start, or it might allow us to see some truth in things others tried to tell us, despite the fact that we may still mistrust them overall. Those two things can be simultaneously true—hard to believe in this polarizing world, I know. Just try to be open-minded and consider alternative perspectives, even if only to confirm things you think you know. It will help your awareness level and your confidence in your choices about where you’re devoting your resources. Choices about our time and energy are the most important ones!